The Healing Stitch Angel Caito

    Stitching is a form of art or craft. It's also a way to heal. For some stitchers it's a way to cope with their past, to recover from an emotional or physical injury, or to make a connection with another person. 

This is Angel's healing stitching story.....      

      When I retired in May of 2022 I envisioned a summer full of gardening and stitching. Most of June was beautiful weather, and I spent every available moment out in the yard. I expanded two of my garden areas, kept up with my weeding, and created a beautiful bird-feeding/bird-bath area. July brought some extremely humid weather and rain, so I took those opportunities to set up my sewing area in a spare room, organizing my fabrics, and notions and researching machine-sewn Kawandi quilts on YouTube. I just loved watching scraps of fabric turned into something beautiful and useful and I was excited about trying my hand at it. 

But in August, my 86 year old dad was hospitalized with COVID and aspiration pneumonia. There was a very traumatic week-long stay - we could not visit due to COVID protocols, and my dad had to be sedated and sometimes restrained in bed or a chair. He is very hard of hearing and English is his second language so it was difficult for him to understand the doctors and nurses when they explained things to him.

Upon release, he was still COVID-positive, weak from pneumonia, and it became clear that our once independent dad had suffered significant cognitive decline from the infections and his hospital stay. It was clear he couldn't live alone any more, and as both my siblings are still working full-time, we decided I would move in with dad, and my brother and sister would relieve me on the weekends. 

Since that decision, my dad and I have fallen into a routine that suits us both. He is recovering physically and is still mobile and can do much on his own, which I encourage. But there are many tasks for which he needs close supervision. We try to get outside when we can for sun and exercise, and of course there's doctors appointments and running small errands. 

Much of our free time we spend together in his living room, watching TV or listening to music. There's only so much TV or music you can sit still for (my dad does a lot of dozing in his chair) so I've had to get creative...Slow Stitching to the rescue!

I can't use my sewing machine for my stitching, so each Saturday I pack up my supplies for my next project and on Sunday afternoon I set up my stitching area next to my dad's chair. The Kawandi style I had hoped to do with my machine had to be adapted to hand sewn blocks. 

My dad is often confused about what's going on and sometimes not even sure of who I am but he certainly knows what sewing looks like! I like to show him each new project and explain what I want to accomplish with it, whether I want to work with certain colors, or build up textures or shapes. He always smiles and nods as if he understands and it's ok with me if he doesn't. As the hours go by, he occasionally glances over at me next to him as I stitch and snip and move my project around on my lap. Sometimes he'll make a comment like, "Oh, that's a new one!" Or "Watch out for your fingers with that needle!"  Sometimes he just looks at me and smiles. Lately I have been asking him to choose my threads. I'll hand him a box of embroidery floss and say, "Ok dad! You chose my color this time" 

On weekends, when my sister and brother take over his care, they will text me at home and say, "Dad is talking about the girl who sews-when is that girl who sews coming back to take care of me?" 

The stitching I do with my dad occupies not just my hands during these long hours with my dad, but keeps my mind clear and alert which is very important while caring for someone with dementia. I make sure each project is manageable enough that I can put it down quickly to respond to his needs and pick it up easily to start again. 

My siblings and I have Visiting Nurses and Hospice on board for his care since we have decided against long-term care like a nursing home at this time. We are going to try to keep dad home for as long as possible. It's not easy, and can be pretty exhausting, mentally and physically, but we feel like we need to try this before we make any further decisions about his care. 

Meanwhile, stitching has become an important part of keeping me grounded and occupied. The finished projects are piling up fast (not sure what I'm going to do with all of them!) I really like that my dad associates me with my stitching. He may not always remember my name, he often is not even sure I'm his daughter, but he knows five days a week I'm there by his side, and the Girl Who Sews will take care of him.